return my video game
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
