In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
