I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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