Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
