Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
