Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
