Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
