I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
