i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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