my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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