and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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