Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Randomize