I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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