no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Randomize
