Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
