so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
