Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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