I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
