I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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