either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
