I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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