For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
