When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need to calm my uterus...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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