I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
