i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
