if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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