I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
