Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
