i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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