The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
