I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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