wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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