my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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