i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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