i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
