why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
