The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize