He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
