as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
