Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
