I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
