if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
