There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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