8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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