he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm like, not good at living.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
