We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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