I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
