Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
