I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
