i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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