Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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