well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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