i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
