Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
