I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
