dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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