the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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