I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
