hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize