I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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