don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
