just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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