Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
